I had a sort of epiphany during my scalding hot shower. Or maybe it was a ‘lightbulb’ moment? Regardless, I had a realization. The things I am so very passionate about never come easy to me. I have to work so damn hard and always give 120% at those things otherwise I spiral into a pit of self loathing and give up on everything, including taking care of myself. Even though I work so hard, I get a good end result probably less than half of the time. But I don’t give up on my drive and passion. I continue to hone my skills and mold myself, and I still have to pull teeth to get people to consider me for things, but that might be just what I need. I am an extremely timid little lady who rarely toots her own horn and it takes a mountain for me to realize all that I have accomplished and grown acting wise. Stepping out of myself to put myself out there has taken a lot, but by golly I’ve gotten the hang of it (at least in a small pond) This is all a big preparation for me though. I know how to get people to notice me through influence rather than bluntness. Others may slip by on the seat of their widely known talent, but I work my ass off for what I have and what I do. I’ve been feeling so discouraged and worried that I’m not good enough to make it, that no one will like me and that my talent is just not gonna cut it, but all of that isn’t true! I’ve been building this courage and knowledge for so many years so that I can stay afloat in the real world. I really can do this and it feels fucking awesome! So take that Bryan Boyd and your passive aggression, and Rhett, and Ted, and all my other professors who were on the fence about my talents. I am an actor, and a damn good one at that, and I will continue growing in my craft always.
side note: you can wholly ignore this, I just had a very rare moment of self encouragement and belief and I gotta document it before it’s gone.